People say that I would be bad at business

Are you a seventeenth-century royal who is having trouble finding a cousin of marriageable age? Or maybe a modern white supremacist struggling to keep your bloodline pure? Well, just download my new hook-up app, “Kin-Der,” and start swiping your way left or right through the family photo album. It’s romance and reunion all in one easy package!

The workday is over, and all the guys are heading over to the local bar to knock back a few cold ones. They tell you to come on, join us, we’re open minded! But how’s a modern-day follower of the Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) supposed to blend in down at the local? Well, have yourself a cool, refreshing Shariah Lager. Can we say, “Allah AkBAR!”

I love my curry like I love my women—spicy, hot, and dripping all over my chin. That’s why I made Vindalube, the very first product to spice up your mouth and the bedroom, all at once! Order now, and you’ll get a free copy of my sex and food guide, the Korma Sutra. Vindalube, sold in take-out and buffet sizes.

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